Past

I cant stop myself keep digging the past
I cant stop myself from browsing those damn past
I hate to see it
But i hate myself more to go and see it
Its not easy for me to do what i am doing
Showing i can accept everything
But is myself who make me in this deep shit
I always believe i am special
I am different from others
And yes, this is killing me silently
Seems like i getting what i want
But is this what i need?
Hate myself when babbling at this hour
Ridiculous!