世上只有妈妈好

I'm from a single mother family. Dad leaves us when I was 9, when I am still in class, suddenly someone come and pick me back home.
I don't know whats going on at that time, I only know few people came to my house,
mom not home, uncles and aunties were discussing something
And yes, 17yrs had passed.
In these years, I experienced a lot.
staying with grandma, staying apart with mom
Then when we grow older, move back with mom
At that time I always feel that mom don't love me enough.
she don't understand me. She didn't really care about me
So our relationship not so good. Just normal.
my relationship with my aunties and uncle are even better
then I study in Kk, still I don't have homesick
Mainly because there is nobody for me to miss
My family relationship is just, we mind our own business.
not many celebration, normal one, didn't sit down and talk
When I talk with mom will ended up argue or bad mood
Until I graduated, I see other people with their mom so good
I was so jealous
I do love my mom but I don't show it, I just argue a lot with her
Recently, a lot pressure that me and mom been receiving
Its been a hard time for her to raise both us.
but looks like she don't get what she expected from me
I disappointed her.
A lot people babble to her, telling her I shouldn't do this and should be that way
Mom worries me, I know. Mom always want the best for me, for us.
until this year I told her that I'm gonna leave her, to somewhr else.
at first, I'm OK with it. Mom did say she will be boring but I thought she will be fine
But when mothers day..she sent me a mSg..I cried
Mayb all this while I'm not a Gd companion, I didn't do much things with her
But I do important in her life. She feel lonely when I'm not ard.
she Selfie..she WhatsApp me. She fb..
and today she told me that, no matter, success or failed, she is Thr to back up me. She can handle it.
it really hurts me. It touched me even more.
Mom, I promised u. I will work hard for u. Just gimme time. Just 1 more year.
Things gonna be different.
短暂的分离是为了以后更远的未来

Broken promises

There is never a 100% guarantee in this world
Things are simple, human are complicated
Hence, the World become complicated
History keep repeating the same thing again and again
God knows better
God shows me the answer
but me, always trying to challenge God that I chose the best for me
God always know what is the best for us
believe him, He knows all
everything happen for a reason
as long as keep us grow, its good
let go, and grow up

its been the worst 2months for me
things changed, I need to adapt myself to a new environment
people changed, I changed
I feel I am stupid enough, and still so stupid
like an idiot
is time to think again, purpose of life
what kind of life that God wants me to live

I only back to God when I need Him, because I know He never give up on me
I take things for granted, others take me for granted
What goes around comes around

I keep holding grudge in me
is not good, I know
Im trying to let it go, when I can let go, Im free
then I can move on
when we keep moving forward, happiness follow our back

is easy to say not easy to do
been manipulating myself for 2months
struggle within myself for 2months
make people around me miserable
I wish, I have choices
I wish, I can know whats God's plan for me
I wish, I can get what I want
I wish, I be happy like I used to be

always wondering,
if I am not in this world anymore, anyone will remember me?
anybody will think of me, what I did for them?

is been a long long time I didnt had such personal feeling post
I am a human too, I have feelings
dont take my kindness for granted, no one else can do it again, never.